Think Yourself Less

I joked with some people whether being asked to give this talk on pride is an example of typecasting. I am very qualified to speak on pride because I am so proud. I hate my pride, but what I take even more seriously is how God hates it so much more.

Pride is our greatest enemy because it makes God our enemy — an almighty opponent. “God opposes the proud” (James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5). Why? What makes pride so singularly repulsive to God is the way that pride contends for supremacy with God himself. Pride is not one sin among many, but a sin in a class by itself. Other sins lead the sinner further from God, but pride is particularly heinous in that it attempts to elevate the sinner above God.

Pride is not just a sin, but a sinful mother — a sinful orientation that gives birth to more sins. For example, pride can lead to lying. You tell a lie because you are too proud to admit you were wrong or you did something wrong. But the problem is so much bigger. Pride doesn’t just tell lies; it is a lie.

Why? Pride is self-obsession; pride is preoccupation with ourselves. Therefore, it is a lie about reality. It says I am worth thinking about all the time. It is an orientation that wrongly assumes that everything revolves around us.

A Shape-Shifting Sin

Pride deserves to die, but it is hard to spot and even harder to kill. Pride is a slippery sin because it is a shape-shifter. Jonathan Edwards said pride is “the most hidden, secret, and deceitful of all sins.” Let me give you an example. Here is a conversation that I might have with myself after a meeting at church:

“That meeting went really well. I think the turning point might have been when I asked that question which no one had thought to ask before. Wait a minute! That was such a prideful thought. It sounds like I am taking credit for the meeting going well. I am such a prideful person. I hate my pride.”

Meanwhile three seconds later, “I fight pride pretty hard. I’m glad that I caught that initial prideful thought. I wonder if other people are as aware of their pride and fight it as hard as I do. Wait a minute! It just happened again. I am taking pride in my awareness of pride. O, deliver me from this body of death, Lord Jesus! Thank you God that you give us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Several Shapes of Pride

If pride is preoccupation with ourselves, then we cannot defeat pride by becoming preoccupied with how we are doing against pride. When we do, we play right into the hands of pride because we take a page out of pride’s playbook. Think about yourself more. Obsess more. Become preoccupied with how you are doing — how the fight is going.

You can fall into self-exaltation (takes credit for success) and self-promotion (put those successes in other peoples faces so they will give us credit for them). But pride can shift into the shape of self-degradation and self-demotion when we beat ourselves up for our failures. We are still obsessed with ourselves. In the first form, we are obsessed with our successes; in the second, we are obsessed with our failures.

Think of Yourself Less

Maybe some of this will make more sense if we talk about what real humility is. As C.S. Lewis said, true humility is “not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less.” We can spend a lot of time thinking less of ourselves but we only end up thinking a lot about ourselves. The problem of pride does not boil down to whether we think high thoughts or low thoughts about ourselves but that we think lots of thoughts about ourselves.

Humility is fundamentally a form of self-forgetfulness as opposed to pride’s self-fixation. Humility can set you free because when you think about yourself less you are free to think about Christ more. Humility puts us on the path of grace; pride puts us on the path of opposition. God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5).

Two Crash Sites

The collision between the glory of God and the pride of man has two possible crash sites: hell or the cross. In other words, either we will pay for our sins in hell or Christ will pay for our sins on the cross. Hell is like an eternal crash site and crime scene. It is a horror movie in which there are no closing credits because it never ends.

God opposes pride actively and hates it passionately, which means that pride is spiritual suicide. The reason is simple. Pride is on a collision course with God himself and the date is set. “For the Lord of hosts has a day against all that is proud and lofty, against all that is lifted up — and it shall be brought low” (Isaiah 2:12). All must be torn down so that one thing alone may be left standing. “The Lord alone will be exalted in that day” (Isaiah 2:11). The Bible calls it the day of the Lord.

But God in his mercy made another way. The Son of God emptied himself by taking on humanity and humbled himself by obeying to the point of death — even the death of the cross. God sends his Son to vindicate the worth of his great name, which sinners have defamed. The sacrifice of Christ fully absorbs and satisfies the wrath of God. This glorious aspect of the atonement is called “propitiation” (Romans 3:24–25).

The Solution to Our Self-Obsession

Seeing the cross rightly crushes our pride decisively. Why? Seeing the cross rightly means that we see ourselves rightly. We see him on the cross and conclude that we are actually seeing our sin on the cross. The cross reveals what we deserve from God. We cannot receive the grace of Christ apart from seeing and embracing the undeserved dis-grace of Christ.

We see the cross rightly through the miracle of conversion. We were blind to the glory of Christ on the cross (2 Corinthians 4:3–4), but God’s grace is stronger. When Christ is proclaimed, God overcomes our spiritual blindness by flooding our hearts with light. The eyes of the heart are opened to see and savor the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6). The Spirit acts like a floodlight to illuminate the work of Christ on the cross.

The Bible’s answer to our fallen self-obsession is a great work of grace in the gospel that creates a worshipful obsession with God. Pride is defeated decisively at conversion, progressively in sanctification, and totally at glorification — where we experience ever-increasing, everlasting, white-hot worship of God. The day is coming when God alone will be exalted. It will be the worst day for unbelievers and the happiest day for all Christians.

Sanctified by the Altar

I have posted how we could be sanctified by a man, and now how we could be sanctified by the altar.

A woman will only be effective in her mandate when she recognises that she is a sister on the ground of the brethren. This relationship must be established before she becomes a wife and mother. Long before she was a helper to her husband and a mother to her children, she was a sister. This is a significant point because it highlights the source of confusion between the culture of the kingdom and any other culture that can exist in our homes. Most of the angst experienced by a woman and her household can be attributed to placing higher priority on the covenants of marriage and the house, than on the covenant of the kingdom. This leads to alternate cultures and agendas being accommodated in the home. These are then thrust upon the fellowship of the church. This is offering in uncleanness that defiles the Lord’s house. This denies the altar that sanctifies our offering.

Let us consider a simple example. Our ethos for dress at church functions should show respect for the occasion. If a woman dresses in inappropriate clothing, this is not firstly an issue to do with the culture of the kingdom. The question should be, what allowances and accommodations are being made in the covenant of the house in which she lives, that give credence to clothing that denies the covenant of the kingdom? The problem lies in the covenant of her marriage and covenant of her house. The hope would be that she perceives the merits of modesty. She recognizes that the Lord desires her to guard her sanctification and pursue the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. With illumination on the culture of the kingdom, the covenant of her house will be amended. This is only one example. All areas of our culture are to be sanctified by the altar.

Mat 23:19
"You blind men, which is more important, the offering, or the altar that sanctifies the offering?"

Exo 29:37
"For seven days you shall make atonement for the altar and consecrate it; then the altar shall be most holy, and whatever touches the altar shall be holy."

Mat 23:26
"You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also."

1Pe 3:1-6
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, (2) as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. (3) Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; (4) but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. (5) For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; (6) just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

Psa 51:6
Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

Rom 2:29
But he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that which is of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter; and his praise is not from men, but from God.

Sanctification for a Man

In this present season, we have been reconsidering the meaning of ‘headship’. Headship is the relational order whereby the life and power of God flows to every household and to the church. It is the initiative of God to establish an order of authority necessary to overcome and conquer ungodliness. It is the means of joining households to the fellowship of new creation life. A man can only be effective in his headship, as both a husband and father, if he can separate himself from any agendas that his wife or household have. For example, a man preoccupied with pleasing his wife or placating his children will be compromised in his capacity as a head. He must give himself to the Lord and find his only reference in his Head, Jesus Christ. We are not saying that a man should not fellowship with his wife and discuss their journey ahead together. To not do so would be foolish. He would deny himself the insight of godly womanhood and motherhood. Indeed, true godly wisdom is needed. Headship, therefore, describes a man’s accountability before Christ to cause grace to flow to his family.

Jesus separated Himself from His disciples so that He could pioneer a way for them to be sanctified. He said to them, ‘Where I go, you cannot follow Me now; but you will follow later’. To prepare a pathway of sanctification for His disciples, Jesus had to firstly give Himself to the circumcising work of the Father. He testified, ‘For their sake I sanctify Myself, that they themselves may be sanctified in truth’. In the same way, a husband and father must give himself to Christ as his Head, subject himself under His hand, and thus find his own sanctification. When he offers himself in this way, he can establish a pathway forward to godliness for his household.

1Co 11:4
Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head.

Joh 17:19
"For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth."

Col 2:11
And in Him you were also circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, in the removal of the body of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ.

Joh 13:36
Simon Peter *said to Him, "Lord, where are You going?" Jesus answered, "Where I go, you cannot follow Me now; but you will follow later."

Pro 7:21-27
With her many persuasions she entices him; With her flattering lips she seduces him. (22) Suddenly he follows her As an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool, (23) Until an arrow pierces through his liver; As a bird hastens to the snare, So he does not know that it will cost him his life. (24) Now therefore, my sons, listen to me, And pay attention to the words of my mouth. (25) Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, Do not stray into her paths. (26) For many are the victims she has cast down, And numerous are all her slain. (27) Her house is the way to Sheol, Descending to the chambers of death.

The Sense of Things

Why Things Appear Senseless

Is it then any wonder why things we see or experience don’t make sense to us? At any given time we are only seeing a tiny, tiny fraction of the story. And the truth is, our sinful pride often leads us to a selfish myopic reading of it. We end up foolishly putting more faith in tiny bit that we see rather than the immense things God, the Author, says.

But doesn’t the Bible give us example after example after example of saints whose experience for a while — perhaps much or even all of their lives — looked wrong and yet turned out to be part of a story far larger and more meaningful than they previously imagined?

• Didn’t infertility look wrong to Abraham and Sarah for decades?
• Don’t you think that to Moses, whose life began with so much promise and apparent significance, shepherding another man’s livestock for 40 years in the Midian wilderness must have felt like a wasted life?
• Didn’t Elimelech’s and Mahlon’s and Chilion’s deaths in Moab look horrible and hopeless to Naomi (Ruth 1)?
• Didn’t it look, both to himself and to everyone else, like the man born blind in John 9 had been cursed God?
• Didn’t Mary grieve over Jesus’s apparent unresponsiveness to Lazarus’s life-threatening illness?

There are dozens and dozens of such accounts in the Bible. And they all testify to this: how things appear to us as characters in the story is an unreliable conveyor of meaning; we must trust the Author’s perspective.

Trust the Author

The Author is telling the story and the Author gives each of us characters and each event more meaning than we could have imagined. What might make no sense to us today is in fact so shot through with meaning that we would be struck speechless in worshipful awe if we knew all that God was doing. And someday we will know and will worship.

The naturalistic prophets are telling you a story of meaningless despair. Do not believe their nonsense. That’s what it is. You have a need for meaning because meaning exists. Meaninglessness is an illusion; it’s a deception.

Therefore do not give in to the temptation to cynicism because you cannot yet make sense of events occurring in the world or in your own life. That is the common experience of a character in a larger story. Trust the Author with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. If in all your ways you acknowledge him, he will direct you in living out most fully and fruitfully the amazing role he has given you to in this most real of all stories (Proverbs 3:5–6). And someday the Author will tell you the Story in full. You will be blown away.

A Small Group, A Big Influence

Your small group is destined to die a slow, complacent, even cordial death without direction. Good food and casual conversation might be staples of normal small group life, but they cannot be the substance. Too many groups meet week after week, month after month without any clear mandate, and therefore without any clarity whether or not they’re fulfilling their purpose or really accomplishing anything.

Chances are your small group isn’t even called a small group. You might be in a community group, city group, mission group, shepherd group, discipleship group, life group, or [fill in the blank] group. Regardless of what you call the group, you should be asking what defines that fellowship. Why is it worth spending all this time together? How do we know that we’re not wasting our Wednesday or Thursday evenings? Small groups need a vision.

For our purposes in this article, A vision is a statement of the functional purpose of your small group. Why do you have a small group? What specifically do you hope to accomplish? How are you carrying out the church’s mission? How will you know if your little community is making progress and bearing fruit? I have found that developing a vision has unified and inspired our group in really life-giving ways.

An Example Vision Statement

Before we look at the value of having a vision for life together or ask how to develop a vision for small group, let’s briefly look at an example vision statement. This might help make later points more concrete and understandable.

As a small group, our shared life and ministry will be marked by these six aims. I have added brief descriptions with each point to give you a better idea of what we mean.

1. Know and serve one another persistently. (1 Thessalonians 2:7–8, Hebrews 3:12–13)

Week-in and week-out, we will work to know each other more and more deeply — sharing our hearts and lives, praying for one another, asking questions, and bearing each other’s burdens. We will be persistent learners of one another. And with everything we learn — good, bad, or otherwise — we will strive to love and serve one another — meeting each other’s needs, encouraging growth, and helping one another thrive.

2. Depend on the Lord prayerfully. (Philippians 4:6–7, Hebrews 4:14–16)

Prayer will be the regular, visible engine of our community. We need God every hour, every minute of every hour, so prayer will be our means to everything. We will look to God for everything we need, never taking his provision for granted. When we’re alone and when we’re together, we will be a people of prayer — always adoring, always confessing, always thanking, always asking.

3. Meet God through his word faithfully and expectantly. (Psalm 19:9¬–11,2 Peter 1:3–4)

The Bible will play a central role in our community because it holds the words of life. We need those pages more than we need food, and there are always more riches to be seen, enjoyed, and applied in our lives. We read faithfully — meaning regularly and with the eyes faith — and we read expectantly — anticipating God to speak and move each time we open his book.

4. Pursue disciples for Jesus boldly and globally. (Matthew 28:19–20; Acts 1:8)

Our commission from Jesus is clear: Go, and make disciples. God saved us in order to send us. We are lights in a world of darkness that is desperately in need. We are God’s chosen means of spreading good news and winning worship for himself in every corner of this earth. Therefore, we are to be bold where we are, and we are to be behind what God is doing among the nations. We will witness for Jesus where we are, and send and support witnesses where we are not.

5. Rest in the gospel confidently and humbly. (Romans 8:1, 32, 37–39, 1 Corinthians 15:1–4)

Everything we think, say, and do as a small group stands on the firm foundation of the gospel. We have been saved by grace through faith, wholly apart from anything we have done or earned. We do not deserve God’s love, but in Christ we have it. We want our relationships, our meetings, and our ministry together to be shaped by and soaked with the gospel. This message should produce the boldest confidence and courage, and it should produce the most tender and compassionate humility.

6. Work out our salvation soberly and joyfully. (Philippians 2:11–13; Galatians 5:1, 13, 25)

Lastly, we are committed to living more and more like Christ. It is the joyful privilege of God’s people to be conformed to the image of his Son. It is not pretty or easy, but it is undeniably good and important. Year-by-year, week-by-week, even day-by-day, we will be identifying areas of weakness or failure, receiving forgiveness because of the finished work of Christ, and then working together for change.

That’s an example vision statement — six things we hope to experience together as we invest ourselves into one another. Yours might be the same, similar, or completely different. The point is that it offers a few objective points that bring the purpose of a small group into focus and help you assess your its health and progress.

The Value of Vision

Developing a vision can be hard work (it doesn’t have to be). It will take some careful thought and prayer, and probably some focused attention and interaction with others in the group. So is it worth it? Here are three reasons to go ahead and invest your time, energy, and prayer into a vision statement for your small group.

1. Vision breeds commitment and investment.

If the purpose of your small group is vague and mostly social, then your members won’t even know how to be committed and invested. It’s not all that hard to commit to having dinner every other week or once a month, but anything with low-level commitment comes with low-level expectation, and therefore very often low-level fruit.

Instead, develop a clear and actionable vision. When you identify things you want to see happen in your time together, everyone has the opportunity at the outset to buy into those things, and then afterward to work together toward those things. From the beginning, everyone will know that there’s more to do here than to eat and chat.

2. Vision makes decision-making more objective.

Over the life a small group — whether you meet for a year or for ten years — you will make hundreds of decisions, some small and some larger.

How often will we meet? Will we meet year-round? Where will we meet? What will we do when we meet? Will we celebrate holidays? How will we celebrate holidays? Will we add new members? Will we do anything together to serve our community? Will we study the Bible together? Will we read book together that’s not the Bible? Which one? Will we do anything outside of our regular meetings?

One way to make the questions more objective is to create a grid for making decisions (e.g. a vision statement). If there are specific things you’re striving to accomplish together, you will know better how to answer any number of questions with your group. Articulated objectives and priorities will even answer lots of the questions for you.

3. Vision mobilizes your people inside and outside of your meetings.

A vision statement will set expectations, breed commitment, and clarify decision-making. It also mobilizes your members into ministry. They will have more tangible, actionable ways to use their gifts to serve the group or the group’s vision. Even beyond your regular meetings, a vision statement can envision your members for ministry at their workplace or in their neighborhoods.

How to Develop a Vision for Your Group

If you are persuaded that your group needs a vision statement, how would you go about developing one? It might sound overwhelming to some. Here are three simple steps to get you started.

1. Begin with your church’s mission statement.

Many churches have taken the time to develop a mission statement that articulates its central message and priorities. It’s supposed to help set the church’s trajectory, distinguish it from other churches, and guide all of its ministries (including small groups).

Your church’s mission will be a great over-arching banner for your small group. If you can’t explain how your group is fulfilling that statement, then it would be good to think and pray about what it would look like to live and serve together better under that banner.

If your church doesn’t have a mission, you could use the Great Commission:

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” (Matthew 28:19–20)

2. Search the Bible for components of healthy Christian community.

A church’s mission statement is often too broad to guide a small group practically. For sure, you will want your group to be in line with the message and priorities of your church, but you’ll very likely be able to identify some more specific goals for small group ministry (just like you would with corporate worship, neighborhood outreach, or children’s ministry).

The example above highlights fellowship, prayer, God’s word, disciple-making, the gospel, and sanctification. You might be able to condense these to two or three, or you might add or replace some. This is just one effort to let the Bible define a small group. As we keep reading and studying the Bible, we very well may find these points are inadequate or need to be updated. We don’t need to be paralyzed by the fact that it could be said or organized better.

This step does not have to be exhaustive. You do not have to read the whole Bible cover-to-cover again to discern every biblical principle for small groups. The point is to base your small group priorities and objectives on actual words from God. If we’re not careful, we will tend to lean on our own understanding and follow our own dreams and ambitions. God has said far too much about doing life together for us to come up with our own ideas. Don’t feel like you have to summarize the whole Bible, but look for specific passages that will guide your particular group.

3. Study the people in your group to determine how to apply the vision.

Once you’ve identified some biblical principles for your group, take some time to study your group. This vision won’t apply to everyone in the same way. What are the demographics of your people? Are they married? Do they have kids? Newborns, infants, or teenagers? What unique challenges are you facing in your group? How will that affect how you pray or what you’ll read together in the Bible or how you’ll hold one another accountable?

It will take wisdom, discernment, and love to apply what you’ve learned from Scripture to your unique situation with the unique people God’s put in your life. We should not assume that one approach to small group will serve everyone everywhere as effectively.

A Vision for More

The point in all of this is to encourage small groups to think carefully and prayerfully about making the most of your group. I believe a few biblical, practical principles will inspire and unleash you and your people to take significant, noticeable steps forward being made like Jesus and making much of him. A clarified, articulated, agreed upon vision might be the key to experiencing more of God’s grace than you’ve ever tasted together before in your small group.