The Fruit of the Spirit

Today's devotion teach me personally that we cannot say we love someone if we were not be born again of the Spirit of God. Simply because GOD is LOVE. Well, Paul clearly explained what love is in 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. There is nothing evil in love. Love covers all. Love conquers all. Love always wins. 

Love is a capacity that we receive from the Holy Spirit, who pours the love of God into our hearts. It is, therefore, the expression, or fruit, of a person who has been born of the Spirit. Paul listed it as the first fruit of the Spirit, writing, ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law’. Paul commended the Christians in Colossae for this expression of the love of God, having been informed by Epaphras of their ‘love in the Spirit’.

John said that we know that we are ‘of God’ because we love one another. To be ‘of God’ is to have received the divine nature. This is evident in our culture, or the way that we live in fellowship with one another as sons of God. This fellowship is not a state of association based on a common ideal, but is demonstrated as we give to one another according to our unique name and grace. We note from the teachings of Paul, that our sanctification is an essential element of the expression of the love of God.

In this regard, we recall that the Holy Spirit who pours the love of God into our hearts, is also the Spirit of sanctification. The love of God cannot be expressed through a projection of something other than who we were named to be in Christ. This would be a lie. The Holy Spirit, who is the Spirit of truth, guards against this, and is unyielding in His preservation of fellowship in truth. We note, for example, that it was the Holy Spirit who killed Ananias and his wife Sapphira, when they lied about the offering that they were making. This incident reminds us of the jealousy of God which is an inherent dimension of the fire of His love.

Rom 5:5

And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Gal 5:22-23But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (23) gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.


Col 1:7-8Just as you learned it from Epaphras, our beloved fellow bond-servant, who is a faithful servant of Christ on our behalf, (8) and he also informed us of your love in the Spirit.


1Jn 4:7Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.


Act 5:5, 10(5) And as he heard these words, Ananias fell down and breathed his last; and great fear came over all who heard of it.(10) And immediately she fell at his feet and breathed her last, and the young men came in and found her dead, and they carried her out and buried her beside her husband.


1Pe 1:2According to the foreknowledge of God the Father, by the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to obey Jesus Christ and be sprinkled with His blood: May grace and peace be yours in the fullest measure.

Selling All

Here is what wrote to my notes, not literally a diary for your information by the way.

I said..

Lord, I woke up this this morning with a pair hardly sleepy eyes. I never thought I would be get “into” such a community and stuff. I call them “great people”. And they all are. I mean it. But here is what that came up to my mind while I was sitting in the same “Sunday School” room with them.. that at least, they have seen the outcome of what they are doing. I mean, look at them! They can do great things. Yes, they’ve got their “names” in “marketplace”. And what is mine? I haven’t seen anything yet related to my name. Yes, I really grateful for having experience in social media life even when I was in junior high school. Had get along with people around the world because of ONE MIGHTY NAME of YOURS. Geez! That's why I never stop stand in awe of You. You are awesome, Lord.

But I do realize and keep believing that everything works for my good in its time. And all the good and perfect things come from above.

One thing I learned. Being into a community and participate in everything of its projects are amazing. You have the same vision. Especially when you are in the community that have a heart to love God and want offer everything they could for this generation. 

Same like when we sell all to follow Christ, we let go of our dreams and self sourced aspirations so that we can be joined to Christ and our brethren. Importantly, for some people, ‘selling all’ is not just letting go of the pursuit of worldly wealth. It can also mean letting go of past hurts and unfulfilled expectations of life that prevent us from being yoked to Christ and joined to others in the body of Christ. 

All of us will experience situations that require us to choose what we treasure most. We will be caused to consider how much we love the blessing of God’s life, and must answer the questions, ‘What is it worth to me? What other treasures, aspirations, expectations, hurts, disappointments, do I need to let go of, or sell, to have eternal life?’ This crisis does not need to be a difficult one, but we still have to count the cost of following Christ. We can be encouraged that the grace of God is available to us in each season of decision.

Christ is the way, the truth and the life, in relation to each crisis that we will experience as a son of God. Specifically, He has invited us to a fellowship with Him, which is a baptismal service, a Passover meal, and a prayer meeting. These aspects of our fellowship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, in Christ, will have specific and daily implications for the way that we live and walk each day as a son of God. Baptism, communion, and praying in the Holy Spirit, join us to a process through which we are delivered from our ‘other law’, die to living for ourselves, and follow Christ on the narrow and difficult way that leads to eternal life. By this means, we are able to become all that God predestined us to be when He desired to make us in His IMAGE and after His LIKENESS.

Greatest Thing of a Day

Thank God. I think that this time is the rhema of God that He wants us to understand how precious and important to make room with God Himself, the source of everything.

Imagine walking up a mountain alone. But it’s no ordinary mountain. The ground beneath you is shaking, and the entire mountain is covered in smoke. At its peak is a thick cloud with lightning and thunder. God descends onto the mountain in fire, and each time you speak to him, he responds in thunder. This is what Moses experienced in Exodus 19.

Now compare that experience to your last time in prayer.

Distracted, obligatory, ordinary — I doubt any such words came across Moses’s mind as he ascended the mountain. But some three thousand years later, we rarely marvel that God permits imperfect humans into his presence.

How did the shocking become so ordinary to us? Is it even possible for our experiences with God to be that fascinating?

Going Up the Mountain

A mentor of mine lives in India. Last year, he called me on the phone crying, distraught over the state of the church in America. “It seems like the people in America would be content to take a selfie with Moses. Don’t they know they can go up the mountain themselves? Why don’t they want to go up the mountain?”

When was the last time you enjoyed meaningful time alone with God? Time so good that you didn’t want to leave. It was just you, reading God’s words, in his holy presence.

I was fifteen years old when my youth pastor taught me how to pray and read the Bible alone. Now, more than thirty years later, I still can’t find a better way to start my days. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t refocus daily by going up the mountain.

It is alone with him that I empty myself of pride, lies, and stress.

• Pride: standing before a Person clothed in unapproachable light has a way of humbling you (1 Timothy 6:16).
• Lies: speaking to an All-Knowing Judge tends to induce honesty (Hebrews 4:13).
• Stress: kneeling before the God who causes men to fail or succeed replaces our anxiety with peace (Psalm 127:1).

Professional Gatherers

We often spend a lot of time and effort gathering believers together. We’ve become experts at gathering Christians around great bands, speakers, and events. Where we have failed is in teaching believers how to be alone with God. When is the last time you heard someone rave about their time alone with Jesus in his word? Gathering believers who don’t spend time alone with God can be a dangerous thing.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in Life Together:

Whoever cannot be alone should be aware of community. Such people will only do harm to themselves and to the community. Alone you stood before God when God called you. Alone you had to obey God’s voice. Alone you had to take up your cross, struggle, and pray, and alone you will die and give an account to God. You cannot avoid yourself, for it is precisely God who has called you out. If you do not want to be alone, you are rejecting Christ’s call to you, and you can have no part in the community of those who are called.

The word community is thrown around quite a bit in Christian circles today. But our gatherings can be toxic if we do not spend time alone with God. I’ve been in many groups where people share their insights. The problem is not only that our insights are not as profound as we think they are, but that we’re so eager to share thoughts originating in our own minds, when we have a God who says,

              My thoughts are not your thoughts,
                   neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
              For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
                   so are my ways higher than your ways
                   and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8–9)
    

I want to know the thoughts of God. I want to gather with people who have been reading God’s words, people who have prayed and interacted with him. I want to fellowship with those who fellowship with God. I couldn’t care less if you have a doctorate in theology or sixty years of life experience. I would rather talk with a fifteen-year-old who has been in the presence of God.

Can You Love Sermons Too Much?

There is so much discussion around books, sermons, and conferences. I’m not against those. After all, I’ve given a significant portion of my life to preaching sermons and writing books and going to conferences. But sometimes I wonder if it’s time to shift our focus.

We have to look at the facts. American Christians consume more sermons and books than any other group in the history of the world, but consider the state of the church. Has the increase in resources led to greater holiness? Greater intimacy with Jesus?

You could argue that the state of our churches would be even worse without the resources. Maybe that’s the case. Or could it be that these resources (and even this article) has the potential of distracting people from the Source itself? Maybe all of these books and sermons about Jesus have actually kept people from directly interacting with him. It may sound blasphemous to suggest our prayer lives may be weakened by all of the consumption of Christian material. Nonetheless, I want to throw it out there.

We live in a time when most people have a difficult time concentrating on anything. We are constantly looking for the quick fix and for faster solutions. So the thought of sitting quietly to meditate on Scripture and praying deeply in silence can be eagerly replaced by listening to a sermon while driving to work. While it’s definitely better than nothing (considering all of the other messages we are bombarded with daily), the point of this article is to say that there is no substitute for being alone with God.

We must learn to be still again.

Something Has to Go

It was simple for Paul. He loved being with Jesus. “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21).

Knowing Christ deeply consumed him (Philippians 3:8). There is no substitute for being alone with God. If you don’t have time, you need to quit something to make room. Skip a meal. Cancel a meeting. End some regular commitment. There is literally nothing more important you could do today.

God literally determines whether or not you take another breath. “He himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything” (Acts 17:25). Could anything be more important than meeting with the One who decides if you live through this day? Could anything be better? How can we not make time to be with the Maker of time?

What plans do you have today that you think so important that you would race past the Creator to get to them?

(Credit to Francis Chan, 23 November 2015)

Regular Time with Our Heavenly and Loving Dad

Today's devotion plan reminds me, when I was in the car with my family. We were all going to visit our grandfather's house. I remember, I was over-thinking at the time. Thinking about anything that I should not have to. Apart of being overwhelmed for having a tough semester with tons of papers and summaries - well, you know, that "tons" was just a metaphor. I was pushed myself profound in digging all the rapture thing, meanwhile I was too afraid whether my whole family could be saved or not - which is not my business at all, like who rules whom? We're just a broken vessel and God is our Master. That's why I mentioned that should not have to be thinking of. I do not know this is fact or not, but I bet people out there also believe that "the time is running out" is true. But that's not a thing that I talk about.

 When we had to stop because of the traffic light, I felt something that He was about to speak to me. He called me and touched my head saying:

"Love, you are too over-thinking. You need a rest. Enjoy every moment with your family. Embrace the day 'coz what I am looking for, it’s quite simple: Do what is just, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously..". 

The best part of Him saying is:

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and Work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” 

Same as what it's written in Matthew 11. You can read it on the Message version, anyway.

And what I am going to write in the rest is an afterthought from Durwood Snead, North Point Ministries. I liked when he brought a parable that sometimes, we feel like we're on a treadmill, running to the next meeting, the next event, the next goal. Life can seem so busy that we wonder if we're doing the right things. Worries and anxieties build with the pressure, and the things we can truly affect get buried in the things over which we have no power. At times like this, we feel we just need some clarity. How should we spend this precious, limited time that God allots to us? More importantly, how does He want us to spend each moment?

Jesus had just finished a very busy day in Capernaum, preaching, healing, and casting out demons. The demands grew as the day progressed. As the stories of His miracles spread, the entire city gathered at his door. Jesus’ work continued until well after dark, and He must have collapsed into bed at the end of an exhausting day. The crowd gathered quickly again the next morning, as people brought their sick family and friends to Jesus’ healing hands . . . but Jesus was nowhere to be found. His disciples looked everywhere for Him and when they finally found Him, they asked the Son of God, “Where have you been? Don’t you know everyone is waiting for you?”

Jesus’ response to the pressing needs, hurting souls, and sick bodies was completely unexpected: “Let us go somewhere else.” What? Go somewhere else? What is He thinking?

Jesus had risen before dawn and gone away to a secluded place to pray and seek the will of the Father. He poured out His heart to His Dad and asked for wisdom; the answer He received in return was, “You are finished here for now. It’s time to go somewhere else.” 

At the end, we are all busy people doing important stuff. Sunday is coming, there’s a lot to do, and souls are at stake. There is family to care for, volunteer ministry to engage, and there never seems to be enough time. In all of our strategizing, planning, “doing less for more,” “making sure we have steps and not just programs,” and all of the other best practices that guide us, let us not neglect the one thing that brings clarity to everything else: regular time with our heavenly Father. (*Credit to Mr. Snead, from North Point Ministries).

My Law and the Law of Sin

The other law describes a person’s self-centeredness and perceived right to self-determine and go their own way. As a consequence of the fall, this law is active in the flesh of every living person. It manifests itself in a person’s innate desire to preserve their own life, independence, freedom and right to choose what they will do and how they will live. The other law will manifest itself in the life of a believer in their desire to serve God their own way. Regardless of a person’s commitment to serve God, Paul explained that the other law will make them a prisoner of the law of sin that is also at work in the members of their body. The law of sin describes the deception and consequences of sin that have been evident in the world since the fall of man. When God gave Adam and Eve a command in the garden of Eden, Satan took the opportunity to bring an alternate word. Satan knew that disobedience to God would lead to death. However, he deceived Eve into thinking that she could disobey God and find life. For this reason, Jesus called him the father of lies and a murderer from the beginning. When Adam sinned by disobeying God, the whole of the human race was cut off from the life of God. The result was death. The operation of the law of sin leading to death, has continued in every generation. When the law covenant was given to the nation of Israel at Mount Sinai, it did not remedy the problem. The law was holy and the commandments were holy, righteous and good. The law revealed the true nature of sin and its harmful consequences. However, because it had no capacity to deal with man’s propensity to sin, it only served to perpetuate the problem. It bound the people by covenant to the consequences of their sin and disobedience.
Gen 3:4-5  The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die! (5) "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Joh 8:44  "You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies." Rom 5:12  Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned. Rom 7:7, 12  (7) What shall we say then? Is the Law sin? May it never be! On the contrary, I would not have come to know sin except through the Law; for I would not have known about coveting if the Law had not said, "YOU SHALL NOT COVET." (12) So then, the Law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good. 2Co 5:14  For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died. Rom 14:7-9  For not one of us lives for himself, and not one dies for himself; (8) for if we live, we live for the Lord, or if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord's. (9) For to this end Christ died and lived again, that He might be Lord both of the dead and of the living. James 4 - The Message version 1-2Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. 2-3You wouldn’t think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you’d be asking for what you have no right to. You’re spoiled children, each wanting your own way. 4-6You’re cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn’t care? The proverb has it that “he’s a fiercely jealous lover.” And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you’ll find. It’s common knowledge that “God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.” 7-10So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet. 11-12Don’t bad-mouth each other, friends. It’s God’s Word, his Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk. You’re supposed to be honoring the Message, not writing graffiti all over it. God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others? 13-15And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills it and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.” 16-17As it is, you are full of your grandiose selves. All such vaunting self-importance is evil. In fact, if you know the right thing to do and don’t do it, that, for you, is evil.

Single You Will be the Married You

Well, I guess it is not an accident that I would make myself a glass of hot coffee. Not a strong one. I kinda learn something by read a precious article from P. Holmes. He must be trying so hard to be a responsible and loving husband for his wife, and a father for his kids. 

He said "Joining a gym won’t instantly transform your physique. Starting a blog won’t immediately make you a good writer. Purchasing a piano won’t make you a musician. The same principle is true for marriage. Getting married will not make you a good spouse or a better person."

Killing Sin While You’re Single

Some Christian singles live lives of passivity. Often there is little to no accountability in their lives. Therefore, secret sins survive and corrupt. Singles indulge in different kinds of sexual immorality, give little to nothing of themselves to the church, scarcely attend Sunday worship, spend their free time idly, rarely read the Bible or pray, and pay little attention to the sin that still abounds in their heart. Much of this was true for me in my singleness.

But as newlyweds, an uncomfortable truth is discovered: the single you still resides inside of the married you. If you’re lazy, irresponsible, selfish, prideful, greedy, and/or lustful when you’re single, you will be just as (or more) lazy, irresponsible, selfish, prideful, greedy, and/or lustful after you say I do.

It is essential that we not put off the practice of watching and killing sin in our lives. The sins that entangle you, as a single, will inevitably continue to entangle you in marriage. Nevertheless, singles shouldn’t kill sin simply because you want to be good spouses, you should kill it because you want to live happy and holy lives, whatever your marital status.

Paul warns everyone that the “wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23) and that we should be about the business of putting to death “what is earthly in you” (Colossians 3:5). This command is not simply for the married, but for the unmarried as well. If you don’t kill sin now, it will kill you later, unless you repent.

Don’t Put Off the Killing of Sin

Paul also uncovers the great danger in putting off the practice of killing known sin in our lives:

Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves. . . .

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. . . .

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness . . . Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. (Romans 1:24–32)

God gave them up because “they knew God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die” but continued in these things instead of repenting. While this passage addresses sexual immorality, it clearly also includes gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, and ruthless.

This passage is a warning to us all, especially to single people, of the risk in putting off (for whatever reason) the killing of sin. I say especially to single people because you’re living without the day-in, day-out accountability of a spouse. It is a dangerous thing to be given over to your sin. It is frightening to know that we can one day reach a point where we’re unable to see the suicidal foolishness of our transgressions.

The Grass Is Truly Greener in Jesus

We’ve all heard the saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” The saying is meant to address mankind’s discontentment with his or her current position or plight. We all think that we’d be happier if we were in a different set of circumstances. The same is true for our marital status. Most of us know singles who want to be married or married people who want to be single again. Why? We think our current state of discontentment is external rather than internal.

Discontentment with present circumstances is near the root of the every single person’s expectation that marriage will instantly change them. Marriage has gradually become their Holy Spirit and the wedding day has become their Pentecost. But after the wedding day has passed and the honeymoon phase fades — they discover the ceremony lacks the saving and sanctifying power they need, and they’re still the same sinful person they were when they were single.

It is spiritually and eternally irresponsible to put off the business of killing sin as a single — in hopes that a different life (marriage) will make one holier and happier. Only Jesus can make us happy. Regardless of our current circumstances, the grass can be greener with Jesus. Run to him. Repent of your sins. Drink from the only fountain that can quench the thirst that is inside of us all.

No, marriage will not instantly change you. God, because of Christ and through his Holy Spirit, will change you when you’ve surrendered yourself to him, whether married or unmarried.

I, hm no. I mean even nobody cannot guarantee that everything will be going well all the time. But, I'd love to say this that when your eyes still be wide opened, either because of the coffee effect or not, spend time with the words of God. It feels good when you sleep with a mind that being fulfilled by His love and kindness, how He loves us. Whatever you are going thru the last few months, weeks, or days, it just feels good knowing that there is a person, divine person whose belong every power and authority in the whole universe, and He.. loves you just as who you are. Pray, talk to Him. We may be Christian but without prayer, we will keep continue to touch uncleanness and finally our spiritual sight will be darkened and the day will overtake us like thief.

Uncertainty of Dating

September 22, 2015. Paul Maxwell.

When couples move past the awkward first-date phase of a relationship, many face a new and unsettling tension between strong romantic feelings and the reality that they are not yet married. They ask themselves, “What does a relationship look like with someone who is neither my spouse nor my fiancé?” How does one practice vulnerability without any security, any promises, any covenant? How does one react to anxiety in the relationship without always becoming defensive?

How does one move forward in the uncertainty of dating in a right and good way without becoming a nervous wreck? The forward march of the heart in dating is like walking a tightrope — all daters perform, and dating feels de facto not by grace. Each of us are left with a basic question: how does the grace of Christ meet us in the midst of emotionally charged, often over-spiritualized, life-encompassing performance anxiety?

The Cause of Uncertainty

First, we must try to understand the anxiety of the uncertain. Why does exclusive dating so often leave us undone? The answer is very clear: there are a lot of chips on the table and with blind odds. The risk in dating is never higher than when sharing intimate, vulnerable, breakable pieces of ourselves — in appropriate ways and at appropriate time — without any certainty this will lead to marriage. We’re betting a portion of our heart, without knowing how they will respond. It can be terrifying.

More than that, when sinful people are put in a place of danger, they’re more prone to play God. We are most prone to try and seize control of the situation — of hearts, of circumstances, or of emotions, all in self-defensive ways that are tragically self-defeating. “I would rather eat “the bread of anxious toil” (Psalm 127:2) than trust the Lord is holding and guiding me. We feel like we have control over the outcome. In self-perpetuating irony, magnifying all of the uncertainty and anxiety, we just end up multiplying our own pain and destroying the relationship.

Indulging in anxiety in a dating relationship is like indulging in back-seat driving: it only makes everyone else more nervous and annoyed, and doesn’t actually contribute anything positive. Yet, the experience is legitimate and real, and so is the fear. The cause of the feeling of uncertainty, to state the obvious and criticial, is that things are uncertain. God has made no promises. Circumstances are shifting shadows. To know how Jesus Christ is relevant to our situation in dating, we must first of all come to terms with the often avoided, but very obvious reality, that we are not safe in a relationship. Sinful humans, with all of our benefits, come with risks.

The Normality of Uncertainty

Affection and vulnerability with a lack of covenantal commitment is a tension that can end in a naturally explosive way — either in a breakup or marriage. The stakes are high on both sides, and the pressure and fear that invariably accompanies those stakes very likely will not be resolved in the dating process. Dating is an emotional complexity we were not intended to endure for long.

Understanding that anxiety is a proper reaction to the unsettled angst of an unfulfilled and covenantally unprotected relationship is the best starting place. We can say a dating relationship is protected and settled and safe, but it isn’t — no matter what dating philosophy one adheres to, the emotional escalation of dating leads either to a breakup or a marriage.

The Function of Uncertainty

There is only one honest thing to say when the weight of dating uncertainty weighs heavy: “We don’t know.” We must confess that, to the experience of besetting and anxious uncertainty in dating, there isn’t an answer or at least not a concrete and immediate answer. Maybe the whole point of dating — and the fact that Scripture says so little about it — is that we don’t know what we’re doing, we can’t do it well (alone), and it isn’t sustainable. If it made sense, or it was easy, or it wasn’t soul-splittingly uncomfortable, there would be no propulsion forward, towards marriage or otherwise. Uncertainty in dating propels us forward with purpose. It unsettles us. It shows us idols in our hearts. It makes us anxious. Uncertainty is the soil of the psalms (Psalm 38:17; Psalm 88:3).

Uncertainty dangles us from our ankles and reveals all of the unspoken (and often ungrounded) expectations hanging loose in the pockets of our faith:

“God, I know this person is the one.”
“I did everything right. Why isn’t this easier?”
“Are you punishing me for my sins in a previous relationship?”
“I thought you loved me. So why doesn’t he love me?”
“I was so sure that was your will and then it ended out of nowhere.”

You don’t need to pretend you haven’t thought those things — like you haven’t wanted to say those things to God, to other Christians — like you haven’t preached those things over and over again to your own heart. I have. The uncertainty of dating peels back the floorboards of our presumptuous theologies — our crystallized ideas about what God should be doing for us — and shines the light on all the threats beneath the otherwise comfortable world we live in: “Those who once feasted on delicacies perish in the streets” (Lamentations 4:5). Uncertainty creates urgency and sobriety.

The uncertainty of dating is a microcosm of the otherwise forgotten truth: life is uncertain. Even the notion that life beyond dating has no uncertainties — marriage, kids, family — is a delusion. The risks are higher, the vulnerability deeper, and the losses greater. In dating, disappointment exists in the form of breaking up. In marriage and parenting, the disappointments and pains can be much more devastating, and sometimes even permanent.

Grace for the Uncertain

We need not be uncertain about everything in dating, though. God is not inactive, distant, disinterested in our relationships: “Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that flutters over its young, spreading out its wings, catching them, bearing them on its pinions” (Deuteronomy 32:11). The same God says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22) and, “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32). Dating literature, for too long, has offered too many of the wrong guarantees, and too few of the relevant graces.

I once heard someone pray, “We pray against a closed sky.” It may be easy for some to feel ignored in the abyss of uncertainty. We also live in an open world and feel threatened. Many attempts to resolve this tension result in a self-pandering theology. We are tempted to earn and secure love by our own power, and tempted to test others’ worthiness for our love. And yet we have a God who passionately endorses marriage as the norm for people, and is actively seeking to bless us. The uncertainty of dating highlights for us the immanent possibility of blessing and tragedy. That tension was not meant to be immediately resolved. It is an unsustainable (but not purposeless) relationship-form in the long term, meant to lead you to depend on a heavenly Father who cares for you, and promises to provide for you, regardless of your relationship status or prospects.

But uncertainty is a mercy, if we’re prepared to receive it — it reveals to us the tensions of life itself, especially when we can’t sit still long enough to listen. At times, that may be too hard for us. Life in the midst of “We do not know” (John 14:5) and “You know” (Psalm 139:4) can, at times, feel like we’re fastened to a torture rack — pulled between a big God and real life.

Jesus Christ knows the anxious heart of the uncertain dating Christian (Proverbs 21:1). And he does not judge: “He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young” (Isaiah 40:11).